It is December.
I can't believe a year has gone by already. What have I done? What have I accomplished?
Nothing positive, so before I get even more depressed, I shall move on.
I haven't talked to Dooley since I took him to the doctor. I missed a day of work to take him to the doctor and then drop him off at the barber shop. 2 1/2 hours of together time. Wow. He thinks I'm mad, which I was a little bit at first, so he won't call me. It's the not calling me that has me pissed off. He knows he was fucked up, knows it hurt my feelings, and instead of calling to try to smooth things over, he just lets them fester. He always does this. And unlike usual, I haven't caved and called him. Maybe this is how it ends...quietly falling apart...just like the first time.
Speaking of falling apart, my period is here like 10 days early. I couldn't figure out why I was so moody and weepy and irritable and then yesterday I go to the bathroom and SURPRISE!!! You have just been chosen to get your period!! Thea...what will you do now?!? Well...I'm going to cry a lot...I love that...and then I am going to crave beef so bad that I'll dream about biting baby cows...and oh yes...I will be hornier than a mother fucker with nothing to do about it!!! YAY!!!!
It's so weird, when Dooley came over, for some reason we lapsed into talking about baby names. I told him I like the name Yara and he went through all these other names and I just said no and argued over them. It took us a second before we realized how stupid the whole thing was. We fell quiet and I thought about how wonderfully awful it would be if I was pregnant. Does he even think about that? Does he want that? Sometimes, I think he does. But then, most times, I think he just wants me to go away. I don't know anything about us, except that we hurt me...and he doesn't seem to care enough to even pretend to care anymore. What an asshole. Both of us...what fucking assholes.
And tis the season to spend all your cash of gifts for ungrateful jerk offs so you don't look like a bitch when they give you the present they grifted from the dollar store for you. I hate that. I hate that I put so much money and thought into my gifts even though I know my friends (some)and family give me cheap crap I won't like. Or nothing at all. I don't give gifts to get anything. I like it. It's like my payback for being such a moody bitch all year. Sorry for being so spastic all the time. Here's a $200 pair of boots. Please love me. But I would rather get nothing than something I can tell they didn't put any thought or effort into. They might is well just tell me I'm worthless to them and get it over with.
I love Christmas, but I am just not feeling it this year. Maybe after I watch the Christmas cartoon classics marathon this weekend, I'll get in the groove.
I don't know what my problem is right now.
I need a hug.
I can't believe a year has gone by already. What have I done? What have I accomplished?
Nothing positive, so before I get even more depressed, I shall move on.
I haven't talked to Dooley since I took him to the doctor. I missed a day of work to take him to the doctor and then drop him off at the barber shop. 2 1/2 hours of together time. Wow. He thinks I'm mad, which I was a little bit at first, so he won't call me. It's the not calling me that has me pissed off. He knows he was fucked up, knows it hurt my feelings, and instead of calling to try to smooth things over, he just lets them fester. He always does this. And unlike usual, I haven't caved and called him. Maybe this is how it ends...quietly falling apart...just like the first time.
Speaking of falling apart, my period is here like 10 days early. I couldn't figure out why I was so moody and weepy and irritable and then yesterday I go to the bathroom and SURPRISE!!! You have just been chosen to get your period!! Thea...what will you do now?!? Well...I'm going to cry a lot...I love that...and then I am going to crave beef so bad that I'll dream about biting baby cows...and oh yes...I will be hornier than a mother fucker with nothing to do about it!!! YAY!!!!
It's so weird, when Dooley came over, for some reason we lapsed into talking about baby names. I told him I like the name Yara and he went through all these other names and I just said no and argued over them. It took us a second before we realized how stupid the whole thing was. We fell quiet and I thought about how wonderfully awful it would be if I was pregnant. Does he even think about that? Does he want that? Sometimes, I think he does. But then, most times, I think he just wants me to go away. I don't know anything about us, except that we hurt me...and he doesn't seem to care enough to even pretend to care anymore. What an asshole. Both of us...what fucking assholes.
And tis the season to spend all your cash of gifts for ungrateful jerk offs so you don't look like a bitch when they give you the present they grifted from the dollar store for you. I hate that. I hate that I put so much money and thought into my gifts even though I know my friends (some)and family give me cheap crap I won't like. Or nothing at all. I don't give gifts to get anything. I like it. It's like my payback for being such a moody bitch all year. Sorry for being so spastic all the time. Here's a $200 pair of boots. Please love me. But I would rather get nothing than something I can tell they didn't put any thought or effort into. They might is well just tell me I'm worthless to them and get it over with.
I love Christmas, but I am just not feeling it this year. Maybe after I watch the Christmas cartoon classics marathon this weekend, I'll get in the groove.
I don't know what my problem is right now.
I need a hug.
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