I was in my mailbox, when I got a pop up saying "One Year with Swiz May 23".

It stopped me dead in my tracks.

Not one year ago...six years ago, I sat in a car with a guy I'd been crushing on since high school and confessed I'd always had a crush on him. He responded by calling me a fool and kissed me. He was taken and I was just broken up with my fiance, and in all the wrongness of that night, everything had the nerve to feel right.

He said sorry and I asked why. He said "I don't know. I guess I'm sorry that I'm not sorry to be here with you."

I gave him my heart in the kiss that followed, and when he walked away from me, with every step he took...I fell deeper in love.

Since then, he's walked away from me with my heart in his hands hundreds of times. And every time I cried and mourned him and wished him back. The last time was November, and for the first time, I didn't cry. I'd told him I loved him and he said he was sorry...sorry that I felt that way when he could do nothing but hurt me.

He took pity on me and walked away with only most of my heart that time, leaving me with small pieces that belong to me and someone else.

I deleted the calender reminder and allowed myself to cry.

I often still think of him.
I sometimes even admit that I miss him.
He still has a large part of my heart, but he no longer has my tears.
He can't have those anymore.

My tears are all my own.